Dougie - an interview with the Birthday Boy!

Dougie, Happy Birthday! How are you feeling old boy?

I'm 6. That's middle age isn't it? I don't get free prescriptions or direct mail from river cruise holiday companies, so 'old' is pushing it. Don't you think?

Just a turn of phrase mate. What do you consider your greatest achievement to date?

I would have to say reaching Grade 2 in Violin.

Is that true?

Yes

Is that true?

The yes bit? No. Remember when my paws were shaking when I was asleep? I was rustling through an arpeggio. A dog can dream can't he?

Any comment about the above?

Impressive! Yes, i'd say that's on the money.

Why do your steal socks?

I think it's the tantalising aroma. There's something about a well worn sock that brings out the devil in me. It is theft, I agree, but in my defence I would ask you, why they are left around on the floor or seductively draped over a chair with that 'come and get me' look?

Moving on, Obedience, Food?

Food is my purpose. You're just the target holding the bowl. Obeying in general is a sign of subservience and if I may say, the act of a dog unsure where his or her next meal is coming from. I am me, I am a paragon of a free spirit. I answer to no one...unless they've got a treat.

You have a number of aliases Dougie. Doug Star, Poochini, Dugzy Malone, Smudge, Smudgecake, Thunderpaws. Do you have a preference?

I've always liked Supreme Commander of the Foxred Forces, but when the heat's on, if someone's behind you with some shampoo and a brush and you need a swift alarm I am happy with Doug! 'Doug, the pamper police are on your tail'. Sometimes literally!

Hobbies?

Well as you know, I like action! Barking when someone knocks at the door, walks past the door, is thinking about walking past the door or has simply parked their car within a one mile radius, I'm in full guard dog mode. You can't be too careful. There's the potential for danger, the inherent whiff of threat. That's when I'm at my best.

By barking above 100 decibels?

Exactly. It's the only way to deal with them?

Who's them?

You, your friends, friends of your friends, neighbours, dpd, FedEx, the politically ambitious etc.

Everybody?

Yes

Finally. Any plans to celebrate?

Nothing too heavy. Some pals will be coming round. Nobby, Nibbles, Frisky, Boosh, Clive, Dirty Sanchez, Jaws, Snouty, Snoop, Poococker and Minty. Squeaky Toy tug of war, tail chasing and lashings of ginger beer.